


Disaster Solidarity

by runeofluna



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Roy Mustang, Gen, Lesbian Riza Hawkeye, Riza Hawkeye/Rebecca Catalina (mentioned), Roy Mustang/Edward Elric (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26667115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runeofluna/pseuds/runeofluna
Summary: aka wlw disaster Hawkeye and mlm disaster Mustang get drunk and be disasters together
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye & Roy Mustang
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5
Collections: Equivalent Exchange 2020





	Disaster Solidarity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cureelliott](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cureelliott/gifts).



> So, I might be fudging the timeline a bit, because I can't remember if Black Hayate was there before Hughes died, and I'm pretty sure it's not canon for them to call each other by their names, but eh, I don't really think this is all the way in AU territory?  
> Also, forgive me if they sound a bit ooc, I never watched the English dub or the manga translation, I watched the Korean dub and I have no clue what they sound like in English.

“Roy, you’re here, will you take care of Black Hayate after I go and run off a roof?”

Roy Mustang blinked twice, relaxing the hand that had been ready to snap and closed the door instead. When he had seen his house with its lights on, he had been prepared to warn off the intruder with some sparks - only a warning, not when he wouldn’t put it past Fullmetal to somehow sneak into his house for whatever reason the younger State Alchemist might have - but it was only Hawkeye.

...who had her hair down and was not in her uniform, so she wasn’t here as Lieutenant Hawkeye, but as Riza.

Roy headed towards the living room, attempting to figure out what - or _who_ , really - had triggered Riza’s most recent case of dramatics. He wrinkled his nose as he noticed the scent of alcohol, although it at least smelled classy rather than cheap, and was about to comment when he realized what exactly she was drinking.

"Really, Riza? That's an 1890 vintage, you could have at least saved me a glass," Roy shook his head as he took off his coat and took a seat opposite Riza. Although to be fair, Roy admitted to himself, a seat was not really an accurate description for either of them; his position would be better described as a sprawl, while Riza was more or less draped over the couch bonelessly.

Riza didn't even bother to turn her head, and instead just flicked her eyes towards him as she groaned, "You're a lucky ass that actually can be smooth with women, let me have this."

"Ah, let me guess - you were a useless lesbian today, weren't you?" Roy didn't bother to try and hide his grin, though it went from good-natured mocking to sheepish when Riza grabbed a block of cheese and mimed throwing it. This was the good cheese he kept for his better wine, he'd rather eat it with his mouth and not his face.

“At least I’m only useless around women, you disaster bi,” Riza grumbled, tearing off a piece of cheese and chomping on it with a bit more force than necessary.

“Well, I’m not the one breaking into a friend’s house to get drunk on someone else’s wine, so I’m winning there,” Roy playfully sniped, keeping the tone light. He grabbed an unopened bottle - a 1903 vintage, not quite as rare - and opened it, pouring himself a cup. “So, what happened?”

“I just- it’s just, I met Rebecca today,” Riza rambled, getting obviously flustered in a way she wouldn’t be caught dead doing in her Lieutenant Hawkeye mode, “we were just having small talk, you know, nothing really important, except apparently one of her fellow officers got caught disregarding the fraternization laws, and it somehow moved onto what kind of person you’d ask out, and I just…”

Roy winced at the mention of fraternization laws; they were hardly the only reason he couldn’t, wouldn’t pursue his own… interests, but it was a factor - and no, he was not thinking about his own attraction towards a certain foul-mouthed blond right now, he was concentrating on Riza, dammit. And really, considering Riza’s pining for the second lieutenant, he could guess where this was going.

“And Rebecca was like, so you still like women, right? And I just nodded, ugh, why couldn’t I just have continued to keep my mouth shut, and anyways, Rebecca was all, huh, is Emily from that cafe downtown your type? And I was like, no, she’s not, like she’s pure femme, and that’s nice but not really what I go for, and damn why can I explain this to you and not to Rebecca, but anyways then Rebecca was like, then what’s your type? Like, my brain was frozen but I think I said something about muscles being good? I don't even remember right now, and then Rebecca starts to name any single butches she knows, and you know, this is awkward enough when my crush is trying to play matchmaker for me, but still, salvageable, you know? Except my mouth’s filter fails at the exact wrong time because of course it does, and I said something like ‘you're right here’ and Rebecca was blinking and then I just ran off like an idiot-” Riza was growing even redder as she rattled on, and Roy was unsure if it was from embarrassment or lack of breath. Or maybe it was just plain drunkenness, even when Riza was acting more casually, she was usually more eloquent than this.

“Riza, breathe, Rebecca Catalina has known you for years, she's not going to suddenly avoid you or anything similar because of this,” Roy said in his best impression of Madame Christmas’s voice - stern, commanding, and somehow able to calm any internal panic.

“It’s just, I knew I was going to say something stupid, and- ugh," Riza shook her head as she straightened herself up with a grunt of effort. Roy managed to suppress a twitch of his lips; he did feel for her plight, but it was always nice when they could afford to be disasters about matters that weren't life-or-death. "It'll be so awkward, and that was an absolutely horrible way to confess, and really, are you sure I can't take that jump off the roof, Roy? Because it sounds more appealing by the second."

"Well," Roy pretended to think it over, debating whether he should answer seriously or jokingly, then answered, "I'm going with an empathic 'no', not until the day Maes finally figures out that you're a lesbian and we do not have repressed romantic feelings for each other. To think he still hasn't realized, when he's in Investigations for crying out loud..."

Riza let out a surprised snort at that, before reclining back onto the couch and answering, "You would think he would have realized by this point that if you're attracted to anyone, you immediately become either a speechless mess or a snarky annoyance. Definitely not capable of being productive in any manner."

"For one, you're the one who said I could be smooth with women, you don't get to take those words back. For another, I do manage to get work done when-" Roy cut himself off at Riza's raised eyebrow. He had to admit that he usually reserved the paperwork that he only had to sign, not review, whenever the Elrics came back to town - although, to be fair, Fullmetal and his missions were a bureaucratic nightmare, and half the time he used the mindless work to distract himself from wanting to hunt the blond down to wring his neck.

"At least you know better than to lie to me," Riza said, "too many men think masculinity means trying to keep lying even when they're rubbish at it. But then again, that might just be straight men, I wouldn't know, whenever I look at a man I just sigh because I'm reminded of how gay I am."

At this point, Roy was very certain that Riza was in fact drunker than she almost ever let herself be. Then again, he supposed when you accidentally blurted out a horribly abrupt confession to your crush for, what, six years, you were entitled to getting extremely drunk. He decided he could humor Riza until she fell asleep, he doubted any advice would be appreciated or even remembered at this stage.

"I was raised in a brothel, Riza, everything I know about masculinity, I learned from the butches. Quite frankly, I’m glad there are people who lack the insight necessary to appreciate butch women, or where would us men be, inferior replacements to butches we are?" Roy felt slightly put out at how vigorously Riza nodded along, except then he saw Riza's muscles flex as she contorted herself to fit her legs on the couch, imagined that on a different blond, then found himself almost fervently wishing that some people did, in fact, prefer men to butch women.

"You had an Edward thought, didn't you?" Riza called out, Roy had no clue how she did that when her eyes were closed, and he really hoped he wasn't that easy to read for the rest of the team.

"Yes, yes I did, and now I'm going to change the subject, and you will let me because you stole my 1890 vintage of wine and I'm not even asking you to pay for it," Roy grumbled, "you're going to call Maes right now, in the middle of the night, tell him you're spending the night over at my house, and ask him for any advice he has on how to right a disastrous confession. I want to mess with his mind a bit and this is a beautiful opportunity, and we might actually get some usable advice out of it since he's the only one of us who actually has a stable relationship."

"I very much doubt he understands the concept of an embarrassing confession, but sure, why not, at this point I really don't give a single fuck anymore." Riza got up and started to move towards the phone, her walk unsteady.

"That's the spirit," Roy called out as he also got up and started to clean up the lounge table, already mentally planning to ready the guest bedroom when he realized something. He turned on the spot and called out, "Riza, Black Hayate! He's at your place, right? Is it okay to leave him alone overnight?"

He heard muffled cursing from Riza and resigned himself to playing driver tonight to get her home. Then again, it was the least he could do for his best friend (well, tied with Maes) and queen of his team.


End file.
